


Leading Nowhere

by faithinthepoor



Series: Popular [2]
Category: Popular (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 03:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/629941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follows (or at least is a companion piece to) <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/629934">An Analysis of Evil</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Leading Nowhere

She feels guilty about not being happy, externally her life is idyllic, she is the envy of everyone she knows, she has reached the pinnacle of achievements as far as high school goes – head cheerleader, footballer for a boyfriend, everyone knows her name and she will never be stuffed into a locker - but somehow it’s not enough. She is the Queen Bee and her status comes with benefits, she has worker bees who are more than ready to attack others to keep her safe, teachers favor her and no-one would dare to sit at her table in the cafeteria without her permission. She knows that it seems so effortless, that she has batted her eyelids and the world has fallen at her feet and while in a way, of late, it has, she has worked to get where she is. She has studied excessively, she has counted her calories, she has absorbed the information in fashion magazines as though it comes from a divine source and she has chosen her friends carefully. She is someone that adults consider to be a good girl, a responsible young woman and yet she has managed to achieve popularity despite this. In short she has done her best to reach her goal of perfection and in many ways she has but it did not result in the outcome that she had hoped. She’s no longer a child and so has let go of the dream that it would bring her mother back yet she somehow believed that if she could just be perfect she wouldn’t feel so empty but if anything, her emptiness has grown. When she looks at her achievements, they don’t seem so impressive, she is not as thin as wants to be, she has a boyfriend whom she is not sure that she is sexually attracted to and at least one of her friends is likely to sting her if she ever steps out of line.

It’s possible that everyone feels this way but she doesn’t feel comfortable asking, who does the girl most likely to be homecoming queen go to with questions of that nature without seeming unbelievably insensitive? She can’t ask her father, she could never let him know that she’s not happy, not after the last time, it would hurt him too much, not just because of what she feels but because she’s kept it hidden from him. She can’t ask her friends, she walks a fine line with Nicole as it is and she fears that any further showing of insecurity is likely to lead to a bloody coup which she is certain she will lose and while she may not be happy, without her position, she is nothing. She can’t ask Josh which is ironic as he is probably the one person who might understand, this whole musical fiasco suggests that he knows what it means to have so much and to still want something more, because to ask Josh might lead the conversation into areas she does not want to go and then he would realize that he loves her so much more than she loves him. Her feelings for Josh are complicated, she definitely likes him more than any other boy she knows and she likes kissing him and having him around but since he has told her that she is the first thing that he thinks of in the morning and the last thing that he thinks of before he goes to sleep those words have been playing over and over in her head, a never ending loop mocking her for her hypocrisy, a constant reminder that she doesn’t feel the same way. It’s not just that he isn’t in her thoughts that way, it’s the fact that, for her, someone else holds that position, someone that she shouldn’t think of that way, shouldn’t think of at all.

Sam shouldn’t even be a blip on her radar screen, she is a disgruntled malcontent whom anyone who is anyone despises but somehow Sam seems so much more alive than anyone else in her life, as if she is the only person that Brooke’s knows who is prepared to break out of the socially sanctioned black and white world and draw in colour. The colours may be bizarre and they may not go together but they are colours none the less and Sam is the only person that she has met who is brazen enough to use them. She has become so fascinated with the brunette that sometimes she is not sure where Sam ends and she begins, she knows they are separate people is just that she spends so much time asking herself what Sam would think or do in a given situation that she is no longer sure what her own thoughts would have been. 

Having Sam live under the same roof hasn’t made things any easier; she wants to be close to Sam but can’t bridge the gulf between them. She can’t shake the feeling that Sam really hates her. She may play the role of Sam’s enemy at school but that’s just a necessary evil, someone of her status can not been friendly with someone like Sam, that is a simple fact of life but it has nothing to do with the way she really feels. It’s hard to accept that for Sam, it’s no charade, it is reality. Brooke hasn’t come to her social position without learning how to manipulate people and Sam is not entirely impervious to her methods, she has a certain measure of control over the other girl. Sam’s body trembles and quakes under her touch and she certain that this is from desire rather than revulsion. Her new housemate makes no effort to resist her sexual advances and at times actively encourages them. Sam may despise her but when she bites down on Sam’s shoulder the moan that this elicits isn’t open to interpretation, Sam enjoys what the do to one another but when the act is over, there is no cuddling and Sam’s eyes are cold and distant as she pushes Brooke away. She knows that she will only end up hurt but she can’t stop. She knows that her relationship with Sam is a painful reflection of the state of her life – she may be pretty, she may be popular but she will never be whole and as for Sam, she may be willing to give her body to Brooke but she will never give her her soul.


End file.
